He

He was just another person..just another friend…but I am surprised with some of his attributes now…
He has grown from being a regular confused young one to …confused and matured Man.
Man that word has some meaning to it..what are the things which defines it I am not sure ..
But may be next time I see him I may recognize him as a man…now I understand the depth of that word..
He goes around with his flamboyant style…outside has lots of glitters….but inside he always felt alone..
Those usuall fears…
But time has made u grow..its just been a gud teacher..and u a gud student..
I have scene his journey …we all guys pass through that..young fellow out of collage with loads of dreams and …style..slowly time makes you learn…we go against the tide later we swim along..sometimes forced to but still we do…
He has grown the same way…but in a different manner…I was a spectator for all…and I am happy about that fact….and he is a special person..he holds an address in this world ..i don’t know whether he realized that…
That anyways your inner voice will tell you buddy…but its great to see you…may be time will divide us in different places but what hold us together is one word..
“Friends”

Towards the next day

She dreamed about a morning with him…he never had a dream so.......
She walked again to find the reason ..she never stopped and turned back.. she might be knowing that Reason is nothing but a disease that we all search cure from.
And now today, sunrise ...she got up with a thought, a smile that was not for him….
May be the light..its just for her …light is just born for her this time….
I saw her face glowing in that light…..smile that was only for someone else..
And i…hmm....jst another dreamer….saw the smiile….and walked towards the next day....

Mumbai-meri jaan..

It was not my first time to Mumbai but this is after getting a job I was going back to see my friends.
Vivek said he ll be waiting for me in CST I was there on time. I still i remember that crowd ..feel of Mumbai is Something different .
As I walked along with strangers I saw vivek standing there, as usual big fat debo-Nair.
I was happy to see him.pooh also came by that time.
we walked through different places.as always vivek was talking a lot about different places there.i was just listening and walking with them.i had been to Mumbai before but this was the first time I am enjoying it.
It was fun after college and after getting a job meet friends walk with them share a word of joy and some framed memories.
Big buldings many famous icons of young india.. I had a fun time .
Today when prasad came and said that how happy he was to go back to Mumbai I saw sparks in his eyes which conveyed his love towards city.he was born and brought up there ..if as a stranger to Mumbai I felt something intimate about the city then how he will feel I know.
when from pune we caught our first train to Mumbai it was fun ..i was all excited to see Mumbai.
Today I see its burning..i sit and watch the images of Taj’s first floor burning…cst under fire..
Nothing to say as a young man I again saw vivek standing in CST waiting for me..and I was still ready to catch my first train from pune..which may take me to Mumbai ----meri jaan…

Flashback of a fool

Like a flowing river it stayed in my mind for pretty long years…it was flowing so gently ,
It flowed like a poem that I could never feel its emotions….
i saw your tears falling to the river And fading away slowly..
while you stood over the bridge alone I was trying to be the same old stranger again.
But still I tried ..Swam to get your tears from the river..
Now I am wet …I shiver in this cold…
And I see the moon light which made your face more visible to my senses.
I swim again to catch those tears…
but you walked away with your part of mine ….and I touched the pillars of the bridge…
nothing was enough to understand a woman’s wounded heart…I lost in complexity of emotions…
as I always do..
may be let the rain come again ..and help those tears fell in this river to get faded….
And when you come to the bridge again and gaze at the depth of river I know that u don’t wonder its Intensity .
but you want to live like a flowing river…
May be I always wanted to be that rain drop which fell in you and got faded….

An encounter with sunshine

This top birth in train has always made me lazy. I wanted to takeout my book from bag and read it; but I am too lazy to open my eyes. I was thinking of yesterday night how we got the train and all those fun moments.
Felt like smiling. I could hear the trains sound it sunny outside I guess we have reached some where near to Cochin.
I decided to get up.slowly I got up and sat near to the window.
“Gods own country”
I have never given importance to the line. My eyes started wandering outside the window the train is not moving that faster.
so much greenery .coconut trees which stands tall as if they rule the earth, but it had its own beauty, small backwaters. The water looked so clear and it was decorated with the fallen sunlight.

Then came the most beautiful view “Bharatha puzha” we can translate it as bharatha river…I am not exactly sure about the name of the river but this is what we call it in kerala.
This is the river which stood as inspiration for many great movies, novels and poems. This place reminded me of many moments for some great movies. This river has the essence of kerala.now it looks tired and lean but it still had the beauty which is unquestionable.

Next I saw kerala kalamandalam which is actually the hub of cultural art forms like kathakali and many other art forms.this place also holds a great portion in keralas cultural history.

After seeing all these I actually knew how much I missed my land. We youngsters are exposed to western literature, music n all. But I know how deep rooted is our literature and writers here are so amazing.
we had poets, writers and movie directors many great creative persons I have not scene many other states in India which has so rich in literature. But I don’t know when was the last time I touched a Malayalam novel or any writing…I felt bad. This is the culture that each malayalee is missing. Its so rich that we cannot let it go.

Suddenly one feeble voice woke me up from thoughts.
“I cannot stand there its door no I will fall”
That was a voice of an elderly women but it was in that sweet palakkat accent which I always liked. I turned my face looked back.
I saw an old female carrying a lot of books in her hand she was finding difficulty in holding the book. Some how she sat on the seat next to my firend.he was searching for some book in that.
I also went and sat near to them just went through the list of books didn’t find anything interesting. But I was really wondering and kind of angry
If she has any son/daughter or any relative why they are leving her for this work .i could not take the sight of her holding so many books.
She has to hold all these heavy book and walk through the train. I felt so bad she was more than my mothers age I really wanted to take a book from that .it gives her cash also it will reduce the weight that shes is holding on to.i decided to help.
Then I saw this book of MT vasudevan nair hes one of those writers whos writing will amaze you .such a blessed wirter he is ..I took that book saw the cover, a boy standing in a barren land ..but a stream of water is flowing up to the hill. it was good it had that international standard to it. I bought it.

so I am fulfilling my desire to read a Malayalam book after so long it should be good.
She got up again took those heavy books in her hand with so much difficulty and walked slowly to next compartment.
Cursing her relatives and childrens I again sat near to the window. Fresh air hit on my face which had a poetic fragrance to it. I felt like letters are poring in as wind. I felt like literature is strongly integrated to malayales air and water. And I guess I missed it for some time. May be it’s a journey back to the roots.
And my mind got busy in wandering thoughts.

Wind ..slow wind..its like a poem ..sometimes it rhymes .when I sit near to the window and look outside it grows in my mind.
Gently it touches my face..it moves my hair but still I wait for it to come again..
to rhyme
Again I saw those coconut trees which stood proudly as if they were ruling the place.

I have a mind which tells me..how this late evening wind on a long road comforts him.

Loneliness is two sided sword which is hanging above your head.
How can a human being survive on earth without sharing his thoughts?
This was an unanswered question in my mind.
Bike was on top gear.
Now sun has gone down slowly the shadows of night has come.
I couldn’t stop my bike. I kept holding on to the accelerator as if I don’t want to leave..
Two sides of road were fully lighted for dasara all lighted up but not my mind.
I took a right to ring road..
long road had spread its arms wide open for me..i felt so comforted.
And first time when I saw the green signal I prayed it to shift to red so that I can spend some more time on road.
I did’t want to go back to room,not infront of that TV.
I need to survive alone..just wondered that everyone will have to go through this face one or the other time in their life?.
And whats the solution to it?
I don’t find any..my mobile contact list showed me so many names who are not available for the time being..
My thoughts wandered around again.

Bikes engine was making noice I guess it also wanted some rest.
But I had to end my ride .i had to turn the bike keys to left so that the engine stops.
I had to stop everything..i know times telling me to accept the fact..
fact of being alone.
Its not about missing someone..its about missing everyone.

this place where i live used to be so brighted up by so many people;now the time has played a dirty game where he forgot me .

he left me alone ,i am the only card left on the table and all the gamblers hv gone home.

i opened my rooms lock went inside switched on the lights.
And this restless mind once again looked at the TV remote which is resting there on that lazy bed….

Midlife Blossoms..:)

Do you think that u have been trying hard to keep things on your control.
Are you trying to recreate your past memories, are you not wanting to be part of those moments again
Yes that’s what we do. but I thought it is necessary to create some new moments rather than holding on to the past. I think we don’t really think about it. We usually get old fashioned thinking about the good old days.
Good old days are good for keeping in shelves or learning things from but they should not become a measure to decide your future events.
I have decided to take control over my life rather than complaining. Being alone and not having the dear people around , not getting what you want,getting stuck in the same old thing or anything is just a scenario where I should react positively.
So that clarification is done
Next thing is how you go about it.hmm..may be that you need to think.
I write this on a state where I am kind of facing a midlife crisis.but she says theres nothing like that ..even if I am being wrong about what I think I guess this un interesting situation should get diluted.
We should try hard to be .
(“to be or not to be”…!!!)
and whats the conclusion that I make at the end of this moment ?
I don’t know as always I am perplexed about my surroundings and my being.
But still I decided to take control over my life I think that’s the better side of it
And the other side. I really don’t want to see..
And that’s why I name this as midlife blossoms….i think we should even avoid negative terms
To get that positive vibration in life..may be it works… sometime
So let Midlife blossom.

final word on a lonely night

The darkness is waiting to embrace the light which is hidden somewhere..

a cake which had so many layers

i had a cake..a cake which had so many layers..a cake which made me cry..
a cake which reminded me that its always good to remind the people you care that I care for you..
a cake which was there and smiled at me..a cake which teased me askin oh so you have friends..

I had a cake..a cake which was so sweet as the best sweet….a cake which made my heavy heart dance…

I never looked back when I walked back..cos I had a cake with me because even after eating..

Cake was printed in my mind…which will remind me..this time..this time

When I had a cake…a cake which had so many layers..

layers of Friendship..:)

Shadows...

I again wonder why do people meet…it makes me think ..it makes me find a new theory of happenings
Sometimes the whole things happening around are so illogical and unexplainable.
You and me met, we talked we shared the bitter side of sadness..we shared the higher mantle of madness
Now I know you I know you as the shadow which am fond of..
People don’t usually look at shadows..the try to search for faces but i like shadows I search for it at first .
I have scene your mad shadow ..i liked it really liked it.
Now the “we” which stands here is going to get vague..and will get faded in the rain and sun..
Ultimately it will be invicible..time and place will change only these words which I wrote will remain..
But still my confusion of why do we meet will remain..it will not get faded in rain or sun ..
I know the pattern on which this are happening..i know when summer will come and everything will be happy….
When rain will come and things go the otherway…
But still even when the pattern continues …I have your shadow….
I like it really like it..

Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind

I know its hard and unacceptable..but I face the fact of being in love
Not yet ..but …….
Suddenly the wind gets cozy ..its happy and surrounded with fragrance....
I try not to look .. ..not to remember anything..
But I cannot ..
I find myself helpless confronting my own fears ..and I stand still..

State of now..

I wanted to ride..ride till the end of the road.
I wanted to free the gears and shift my fears to high.
I wanted to be.. let free to the wild .
And tame the sounds which always asks for reason

Hey you..i never really cared but now I do..
I do because its my time to let me free

I look to the horizon and stay calm for the wind
Which comes from north..it had a wild fragrance.

I really know I wanted to ride ..ride till the end of the road.
And tame that sound which always asks for reason.

Learning to fly

The realization that you can fly without wings is what I am searching for
Cos I found wings are costly I can’t be in debts to get a wing. So looking for alternatives.
And the realization that I will fly one day is what I am looking for
Cos I find wings are too costly...Some demand your life on behalf..

I don’t want you to sit as a looser cos you are my super hero.
And I know you will win the fight cos if you lose out in energy where I will be.

Get up my angel cos these tears are like ticking clock it will just flow but cannot be re winded.

And when I give you my wings even if its costly I don’t mind

Oh my angel I want you to fly first…when I see you in the sky.. I will jump from the cliff cos by that time I will learn how to fly without wings..

I know I will fly one day …hey you numb clock you just keep moving I don’t care about your sound anymore its not making my night incomplete.

No more baby…

and I am learning how to fly…

Reminder

we all are alone..we try to be not, but life will remind you somehow that you are all alone at the end of the day.

Sinking for the time being

madness

But the space has become empty. And it will remain empty for a long time.
Mornings used to be bright those days. Wind was so quiet at its own place.
we have lit so many candles I guess all have lost their life by this time, I know its burned down.
Wind has come and blown its life again. I tried to forget the flames brightness.
I tried to cover up my minds blasphemy. Missing the flame is not a crime.
Idiot ‘you’ my dear friend. Forget it..sleep now…u were awake for a long time.
U need some sleep….u badly need sometime ..sleep now…I hear voice again…I cannot take it…I need to sleep now..

big small cities.

Things and thoughts come from a TV program I don’t know but it did actually.
It was one of those channels who talk about life and journey.
One middle-aged man and women were sitting and talking about relationships
especially between men and women. They were mainly concentrating on this part.
I was just lying on the bad half a sleep listening to their conversation.
But one part struck me where they explained about the relations in this small world called as cities.
How lonely cities can make us.i know that.i have been observing this factor from sometimes.
One main point was men are craving to be heard. They are absolutely right.
Its so hard to live this busy life when there is no one who listens to you.
You slog every fcn day and you end up with loneliness in the night.
And you again try to sleep and get up.this sunlight reminds you of fresh things that’s going to happen to you.but shit what you get again is the same old shit.
Okay I agree this is the fact more men are having or going through.
How important is this to have someone who listen to you.
Do we actually require some one.i think so.but I do have one more point to discuss.
I forgot that..and I lost the flow. so I am stopping it.
I don’t wana go home cos there I meet loneliness everyday. I meet I shake hand then again morning comes.

Me not in motion:(

i loved motion I never loved to be idle ,when you are in motion you find differences in surrounding. Every moment you find the beauty of seconds.
I hate this daily way or routine which I do.
How do I be in motion that’s one thing to be answered?
Wish I could travel across the ocean, fly above the sea and find the depth in the heights.
Still when I sit there every night look at the same star which appears .I blink my eyes and smile at myself..
Don’t know actually how far I need to travel for those but I will one day.

Notes of a traveler-and its been two years..:)

A deep pink sky, a man staring intently at the horizon, and the words below this picture "thinking is hard work". I was 13 standing in the hallway of my school assmebly line when the pic caught my eye...it was my introduction to the "habit of thinking"

My Final Day...here

"i want ur tag by afternoon..u can select any of these"..
His voice sounded too noisy for me..
I looked at those black tags on the table..without even looking picked one..
Others where cracking some jokes about people coming here..i could not concentrate..
Those sounds.... I felt like its coming from so far away..i stood numb in the crowd..
One female asked.."so u hv to remove your tag"..i looked at her n said.."Last day"..
While walking back I kept my head low..thr was some feeling in my mind..
I kept on refreshing my mail box..i know its not to find a mail.
Reminded that aeorosmith song.."I don’t wanna miss a thing"..i am worried that
I will miss some part ..which part..then again I tried to lookinto the flowchart infront of me
Designing the software..industry is huge work is large..they say in business human emotions are not considered ..gud it is..that human emotions are not considered.i tried to find logic in the flowchart.
But still some old memories came into my mind..
I feel like a teenager whos leaving his college his last day….
Humans are so stupid sometimes..i dono how to carry this and walk again….
If its getting hard on my legs…still I need to keep walking…walking as if I dono the sun is shinig..
I remember the day I came for interview..getting a job..getting into work place..seing all those people sitting in cubicles..i wondered at those…
My first appreciation,first salary…
Those time with friends….
i still sit in this chair of mine keeping my head low…
I am supposed to work now..supposed to implement this flow chart..
This yellow tag s still hanging in my neck…I wanted to stick it…
And I wish..this day never ends..the sun don’t set..
Light still stays…cos its my last day…
And again I refreshed my mail box as if I did’t get what I wanted………….
…………………………