Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Last christmas i gave away my heart..!!
27-Dec-2009-7:40 PM
One drop of water fell on my face..i woke up from my sleep. Tried to look outside the window it was raining heavily.
i was afraid to open the side windows i knew it will make me wet. But it was a beautiful sight. Rain in December i was smiling. Rain makes me weak it brings fears to my senses. I usually avoid these thoughts but i cant escape it.I closed my eyes thought about last two days. It was great. The best Christmas ever.
24-Dec-2009 12.30 PM
I hate my profession sometimes. The end moment only issues will pile up. I need to catch 2 'O' clock bus but still am sitting over this shit. i was trying to make ways to escape.
Some how i escaped from work and was running towards bus stand. Got the bust looked @ my watch its 2.30 PM.
From morning i did't have any food but my hunger was just to reach cochin, it kept my excitement fresh.
Met my frnds @ MTDY then we started the journey .
This bus we were traveling was an ordinary one ,my friend who just landed from Australia was scolding Indian transportation system and the roads. People just come once in two years from abroad and scold system and go, i was smiling did't look at his face.
I enjoy journeys no matter in whatever format it is..ordinary bus or luxury coach i just need to keep moving i should be under constant motion.
by the time we reached calicut it was 9.45 PM ."So fckin hot man" i screamed. I knew i need a bottle of beer .
Mariya BAR Calicut 10.00 PM
We three were sitting now i know how a bottle of beer makes us feel when it is too hot and humid. I felt like m drinking a Godly drink.
beer made my senses cool. we started talking about several things but one thing still kept me awake, one thing to meet him @ cochin i wanted to go there as soon as possible.
25-Dec-2009 Eranakulam bus stand 4.30 AM
I saw his black swift suddenly .That ass stopped car in front of us and screamed.."Macha get in.."
His flat is in a really good apartment i liked the way it has been constructed.
but its a new one so there are less people staying.
"Lets go to the top floor you can see the water front..and view of cochin from there" my friend said.
I was excited. Even after 13 hours of tiring journey my pulse just kept beating heavy.
It was such a nice view from top floor. 5.00 AM in the morning lazy cochin was half a sleep.
we stood there for some time. Joking ,remembering our school days it was really like a get together after some long years.
@ 7.00 AM we decided to make some breakfast for our self i decided to help Thara.
it was fun to make our own breakfast .
After that we decided to go out
Fort cochin has a feeling to itself. Portuguese leftovers the buildings and roads had a different flavor.
i met some skimpy dressed foreigners ,some localities who had tattoos all around smoking cigars.
Whether was also nice not so hot we started walking through the streets.
Arjun showed me some trees and said its called as rain trees brought from Brazil.
These trees where decorating both sides of road. i loved the way they stood.
But the most exciting wonder was a one huge tree which they made as Christmas tree.
It was stunning.
I thought i need a house somewhere near to this street but then come back to the reality.
The KTDC beer parlor was so beautiful.
u can see a swimming pool from the place you sit .next to it was sea. u cannot even imagine the beauty of that sight.
i just relaxed on my couch looking at sea i was having my beer.
i have scene many people seeking happiness.
i wanted to getup and scream to the world
Happiness? yes this is happiness it is always in "This".
we search and hope for happiness in future but forget to look @ "This".
it will always be 'now' it is never there in future don’t waste your time.
i closed my eyes again smiling inside.
evening we went to a beautiful lounge pub. Ambiance was so great.
dim lights and candles on each tables makes the place so romantic.
but what a Royal stag like me will do being romantic alone?...hmm..
I left that question to myself and started enjoying my cocktail "Long island."
we ended the night with a tequila shot.
12.00 AM roads where almost empty.
i opened the window of my car. cold wind hit on my face.
feels gud..now i had a blast..
"Thank you santa you reminded me the importance of NOW because people are more worried about tomorrow."
Pursuit of happiness?..it ends in "Now".
27-Dec-2009-8:00 PM
I opened the door ..it was still raining outside....heavily ..let it rain and wash away the fears!!
One drop of water fell on my face..i woke up from my sleep. Tried to look outside the window it was raining heavily.
i was afraid to open the side windows i knew it will make me wet. But it was a beautiful sight. Rain in December i was smiling. Rain makes me weak it brings fears to my senses. I usually avoid these thoughts but i cant escape it.I closed my eyes thought about last two days. It was great. The best Christmas ever.
24-Dec-2009 12.30 PM
I hate my profession sometimes. The end moment only issues will pile up. I need to catch 2 'O' clock bus but still am sitting over this shit. i was trying to make ways to escape.
Some how i escaped from work and was running towards bus stand. Got the bust looked @ my watch its 2.30 PM.
From morning i did't have any food but my hunger was just to reach cochin, it kept my excitement fresh.
Met my frnds @ MTDY then we started the journey .
This bus we were traveling was an ordinary one ,my friend who just landed from Australia was scolding Indian transportation system and the roads. People just come once in two years from abroad and scold system and go, i was smiling did't look at his face.
I enjoy journeys no matter in whatever format it is..ordinary bus or luxury coach i just need to keep moving i should be under constant motion.
by the time we reached calicut it was 9.45 PM ."So fckin hot man" i screamed. I knew i need a bottle of beer .
Mariya BAR Calicut 10.00 PM
We three were sitting now i know how a bottle of beer makes us feel when it is too hot and humid. I felt like m drinking a Godly drink.
beer made my senses cool. we started talking about several things but one thing still kept me awake, one thing to meet him @ cochin i wanted to go there as soon as possible.
25-Dec-2009 Eranakulam bus stand 4.30 AM
I saw his black swift suddenly .That ass stopped car in front of us and screamed.."Macha get in.."
His flat is in a really good apartment i liked the way it has been constructed.
but its a new one so there are less people staying.
"Lets go to the top floor you can see the water front..and view of cochin from there" my friend said.
I was excited. Even after 13 hours of tiring journey my pulse just kept beating heavy.
It was such a nice view from top floor. 5.00 AM in the morning lazy cochin was half a sleep.
we stood there for some time. Joking ,remembering our school days it was really like a get together after some long years.
@ 7.00 AM we decided to make some breakfast for our self i decided to help Thara.
it was fun to make our own breakfast .
After that we decided to go out
Fort cochin has a feeling to itself. Portuguese leftovers the buildings and roads had a different flavor.
i met some skimpy dressed foreigners ,some localities who had tattoos all around smoking cigars.
Whether was also nice not so hot we started walking through the streets.
Arjun showed me some trees and said its called as rain trees brought from Brazil.
These trees where decorating both sides of road. i loved the way they stood.
But the most exciting wonder was a one huge tree which they made as Christmas tree.
It was stunning.
I thought i need a house somewhere near to this street but then come back to the reality.
The KTDC beer parlor was so beautiful.
u can see a swimming pool from the place you sit .next to it was sea. u cannot even imagine the beauty of that sight.
i just relaxed on my couch looking at sea i was having my beer.
i have scene many people seeking happiness.
i wanted to getup and scream to the world
Happiness? yes this is happiness it is always in "This".
we search and hope for happiness in future but forget to look @ "This".
it will always be 'now' it is never there in future don’t waste your time.
i closed my eyes again smiling inside.
evening we went to a beautiful lounge pub. Ambiance was so great.
dim lights and candles on each tables makes the place so romantic.
but what a Royal stag like me will do being romantic alone?...hmm..
I left that question to myself and started enjoying my cocktail "Long island."
we ended the night with a tequila shot.
12.00 AM roads where almost empty.
i opened the window of my car. cold wind hit on my face.
feels gud..now i had a blast..
"Thank you santa you reminded me the importance of NOW because people are more worried about tomorrow."
Pursuit of happiness?..it ends in "Now".
27-Dec-2009-8:00 PM
I opened the door ..it was still raining outside....heavily ..let it rain and wash away the fears!!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Us
Silence has grown deeper!!
It’s like a hair covered face..It’s vague.
I feel like I am hearing your voice from so far away!!..
Yes there is a long dark way of silence between us.
It’s like a hair covered face..It’s vague.
I feel like I am hearing your voice from so far away!!..
Yes there is a long dark way of silence between us.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Violet hill--- Coldplay
Bury me in honor
When I'm dead and hit the ground
A love back home unfolds
If you love me
Won't you let me know?
I don't want to be a soldier
With the captain of some sinking ship
With snow far below
So if you love me
Why'd you let me go?
I took my love down to violet hill
There we sat in snow
All that time she was silent still
So if you love me
Won't you let me know?
If you love me,
Won't you let me know?
When I'm dead and hit the ground
A love back home unfolds
If you love me
Won't you let me know?
I don't want to be a soldier
With the captain of some sinking ship
With snow far below
So if you love me
Why'd you let me go?
I took my love down to violet hill
There we sat in snow
All that time she was silent still
So if you love me
Won't you let me know?
If you love me,
Won't you let me know?
Friday, October 16, 2009
3 days One destination..."Screw it Lets ride.."
"Its not the destination its the journey which matters..!!"
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
My window curtain
A sudden thought..My eyes went away from monitor..I was looking outside through window.
Till last week my window curtain was closed nobody opened it here..And I don’t know what made me do it.
But some days back when I came in the morning and opened the curtains..Morning light was flashing on me..It brought some kind of Happiness. Now every day morning I get sunlight..I am happy.
I was looking outside..I can see those two trees moving in the wind..A good sight. Only in Mysore
You can see this view. Not concrete jungle..
I always think why I am writing about some unusual, sad things..But maybe those are just emotions which are making me write.
You can call it as Inspirations.
I am really mad .I looked back in monitor. I think I should open the window now. May be what I need is some fresh air.
Till last week my window curtain was closed nobody opened it here..And I don’t know what made me do it.
But some days back when I came in the morning and opened the curtains..Morning light was flashing on me..It brought some kind of Happiness. Now every day morning I get sunlight..I am happy.
I was looking outside..I can see those two trees moving in the wind..A good sight. Only in Mysore
You can see this view. Not concrete jungle..
I always think why I am writing about some unusual, sad things..But maybe those are just emotions which are making me write.
You can call it as Inspirations.
I am really mad .I looked back in monitor. I think I should open the window now. May be what I need is some fresh air.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
An ambitious love letter..
People are so strange..What do they think..?What do they believe..?
I have no idea. Do you think that you understand someone perfectly? If so then you are mistaken my friend.
What’s it that we need to understand? Is there a particular thought which everyone process? Black magic stuff.
I wander around to find this meaning again..People I meet, things I share all becomes a burden sometimes later.
Who is it that you can rely on anytime..?..Is there a soul mate (this isn’t about a soul mate .I know I may sound
Like Richard back.)..No that’s not the worry..Or is there any need to get worried about it?
Everyone tend to pour their insecurities, their worries on to someone whom they trust..That’s what all humans do.
some don’t share it because they are too much worried about the world. Some do that because they want to get rid of it.
But you should not share your insecurities or worries to anyone..That is yours..Only you are the master of it..And
Only you can command it. When you forget that you are the master then is the real worry! You are upset..you don’t get
sleep at night,u shiver,you cry,you make yourself shit!!..And by the time you realize and try to come back to life.
It’s so late dude!!..
This is't about coming back to life because I know I have lost it..I am no more in search of light at end of the tunnel.
the one who made me believe, the one who made me feel hmm!!...It killed the thirst of mine with a shining
Metal sword. It pierced my thought for a snow white dream!!..I was lyin on the floor without head.
And you won the battle.
For what is it?..And for what I am fighting for now?..To understand the people around..Like I care about it.
I get up in the morning thinking how to end it...and as always..To satisfy myself..And to make me believe that I am
Alive I say this again and again to myself
"I live for the day
I live like a fire fly
I cry for light and die in the night
It’s the heat from the light which I long for , And die with
And I live for the day
I live like fire fly.
With a dream to touch the light..But I perish!!"
I have no idea. Do you think that you understand someone perfectly? If so then you are mistaken my friend.
What’s it that we need to understand? Is there a particular thought which everyone process? Black magic stuff.
I wander around to find this meaning again..People I meet, things I share all becomes a burden sometimes later.
Who is it that you can rely on anytime..?..Is there a soul mate (this isn’t about a soul mate .I know I may sound
Like Richard back.)..No that’s not the worry..Or is there any need to get worried about it?
Everyone tend to pour their insecurities, their worries on to someone whom they trust..That’s what all humans do.
some don’t share it because they are too much worried about the world. Some do that because they want to get rid of it.
But you should not share your insecurities or worries to anyone..That is yours..Only you are the master of it..And
Only you can command it. When you forget that you are the master then is the real worry! You are upset..you don’t get
sleep at night,u shiver,you cry,you make yourself shit!!..And by the time you realize and try to come back to life.
It’s so late dude!!..
This is't about coming back to life because I know I have lost it..I am no more in search of light at end of the tunnel.
the one who made me believe, the one who made me feel hmm!!...It killed the thirst of mine with a shining
Metal sword. It pierced my thought for a snow white dream!!..I was lyin on the floor without head.
And you won the battle.
For what is it?..And for what I am fighting for now?..To understand the people around..Like I care about it.
I get up in the morning thinking how to end it...and as always..To satisfy myself..And to make me believe that I am
Alive I say this again and again to myself
"I live for the day
I live like a fire fly
I cry for light and die in the night
It’s the heat from the light which I long for , And die with
And I live for the day
I live like fire fly.
With a dream to touch the light..But I perish!!"
Monday, September 21, 2009
The river and the thirst..it’s all fake!!
Oh!! I reached home..slowly i parked the bike inside and started climbing the stairs..
what should i expect when i open my room..?..
i opened the lock went inside..switched on the lights.
Bright..
its all bright now.
what else you want now?..you had your dinner..u finished a day with gud ,bad nd ugly experiences..
you settled things..now what else you want?..let me see i switched on the TV..now nice....
i can watch some movies..or may be some music channels..no no!! i can read something..
no way man. you don’t wana do this..what is that you want to see now?..feel..
oh you don’t wana look at your mobile now..shit man you can call any friend..?..nope
that’s not the thing that you wana do..i went to the terrace..a calm night moon is also shining..
i looked above..smiling..i felt happy..why?..because the moon was shining ..no way!!..
may be you don’t wana miss a missing feel..what’s that you miss?..nothing..i smiled at myself..
my biggest worry is why is that i don’t have that missing feeling..why..?
is there something wrong with you?
may be..may not be..but..in case if tomorrow comes...i have to travel again..to settle things..
to reduce the baggage of yesterday..i need to work more..i need to pretend more..
yes..let me see..
let me just wait for tomorrow..
If it comes..
PS : fc you for making me like this..a walking thought which carries yesterdays only.
what should i expect when i open my room..?..
i opened the lock went inside..switched on the lights.
Bright..
its all bright now.
what else you want now?..you had your dinner..u finished a day with gud ,bad nd ugly experiences..
you settled things..now what else you want?..let me see i switched on the TV..now nice....
i can watch some movies..or may be some music channels..no no!! i can read something..
no way man. you don’t wana do this..what is that you want to see now?..feel..
oh you don’t wana look at your mobile now..shit man you can call any friend..?..nope
that’s not the thing that you wana do..i went to the terrace..a calm night moon is also shining..
i looked above..smiling..i felt happy..why?..because the moon was shining ..no way!!..
may be you don’t wana miss a missing feel..what’s that you miss?..nothing..i smiled at myself..
my biggest worry is why is that i don’t have that missing feeling..why..?
is there something wrong with you?
may be..may not be..but..in case if tomorrow comes...i have to travel again..to settle things..
to reduce the baggage of yesterday..i need to work more..i need to pretend more..
yes..let me see..
let me just wait for tomorrow..
If it comes..
PS : fc you for making me like this..a walking thought which carries yesterdays only.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Summer rain..
"A cloudy Sunday..i was not in a mood to get ready but still i wanted to go to church..once it starts raining in Pune
Only God can save us..Joe was ready to come so i got ready. From my system Bono was singing
"On rainy days, swimming in the sound
On rainy days, we'd go swimming out
You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
If the sky can crack, there must be some way back
For love and only love
Electrical Storm ".....
it actually got into the mood of cloudy sky,lazy mind.
We started riding the bike..highways are too risky but i liked it..i was completely wet.
Rain drops are falling on me ..but i imagined it as cleansing..Cleansing my mind.
There is always a weight..it sits right there at the centre...how to get ride of that dont know..and again i enjoyed the rain.
There was an independent church on highway..standing alone. We stopped the bike and ran into the church..
with my wet hands i lighted the candle and i prayed..long conversation with God..asking why things go wrong with me..telling him to do something for me..shit man i do this every time. then i turned back..while driving back to hostel i had a feeling ....no a hope that things will be fine for me..i was wet i was swimming in my hope.."
some annoying noise from outside the Bus woke me up from my dream..i looked at my watch it was 2 AM..i was smiling at myself.
why did i think about something which has happened 4 years back? a rainy Sunday ..a ride to church..may be..that’s
what i did always..but i did pray for them..she never knew about this..how many candles I have lighted..
candle light is not enough to clear the darkness sometimes..it need much bigger miracle to clear it..
no cleanse it..cleansing my mind..Days are getting tougher i hide my helplessness in a smile.
May be candle light is not enough to clear the darkness..
Again i started my conversation with God!!..hey your are the only one i can speak my mind now..smile at me Boss!!..
Only God can save us..Joe was ready to come so i got ready. From my system Bono was singing
"On rainy days, swimming in the sound
On rainy days, we'd go swimming out
You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
If the sky can crack, there must be some way back
For love and only love
Electrical Storm ".....
it actually got into the mood of cloudy sky,lazy mind.
We started riding the bike..highways are too risky but i liked it..i was completely wet.
Rain drops are falling on me ..but i imagined it as cleansing..Cleansing my mind.
There is always a weight..it sits right there at the centre...how to get ride of that dont know..and again i enjoyed the rain.
There was an independent church on highway..standing alone. We stopped the bike and ran into the church..
with my wet hands i lighted the candle and i prayed..long conversation with God..asking why things go wrong with me..telling him to do something for me..shit man i do this every time. then i turned back..while driving back to hostel i had a feeling ....no a hope that things will be fine for me..i was wet i was swimming in my hope.."
some annoying noise from outside the Bus woke me up from my dream..i looked at my watch it was 2 AM..i was smiling at myself.
why did i think about something which has happened 4 years back? a rainy Sunday ..a ride to church..may be..that’s
what i did always..but i did pray for them..she never knew about this..how many candles I have lighted..
candle light is not enough to clear the darkness sometimes..it need much bigger miracle to clear it..
no cleanse it..cleansing my mind..Days are getting tougher i hide my helplessness in a smile.
May be candle light is not enough to clear the darkness..
Again i started my conversation with God!!..hey your are the only one i can speak my mind now..smile at me Boss!!..
Monday, July 13, 2009
Things we lost in fire..
Its nothing …I look at my mobile as if I need to take its heart out and blast it.
I stared at the incoming call but couldn’t do anything. a feel of nothing that’s what’s been surrounding me for some time . I am the same person .hmm but no..i feel strange now. I feel myself as a stranger. I am not the same old one who used to think about your confused eyes.
I know you are living your own life and I am living mine…there is no intersection and there cant be. I am an unsatisfied traveler..my mind long everyday to wander around..travel without any reason take the diversion which u have never taken..climb the rock which you have never scene. will that give me satisfaction? No I don’t know..i think I am leaving you here right here on the same spot where we met. The same spot where you taught me how can anyone be so freak..living their own life..and when I put full stop to this sentence ..i think..its the end..
”Everything that has a beginning has an end”.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
A summer morning thought
You are like a smile. its abstract...
The beauty with abstract things are you never worry about the complexity of it..
You enjoy the feel of it..
"Surreal but nice..."
Thursday, May 14, 2009
A swollen left leg and Love
I hate to talk about my helplessness.
It eats me up when i feel about it,i hate it to the core.
who likes the fact of being surrounded by your own disabilities..
now this is going to be so fcn negative talk which comes from my mind..
i want to be free of my fears..hug my affirmations...
what’s living?..a swollen leg on your CPU and doing your job?
or roaming as a free soul?..what defines living?..
i found the answer its you .
Iits Love ..that’s what defines life..
Love which makes you feel good about someone who sits miles away and cleaning her house.
Love which makes you worry about someone who didn’t come online as usual.
Love which makes you sad when you celebrate your birthday alone without them.
Love which makes you jump when your friend calls you and says macha lets go for a drive.
Love which makes you carry a gas cylinder to a three story building limping; just to help your friend.
Love which makes you the happiest person on this earth ..when all of your friends sit together and you crack the most disastrous joke in the world and they beat you up.
i dont wana sing "Love is all around"..
but it is..
and love towards swollen left leg of mine..cheers!!
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Acceleration..
While riding back to mysore i kept saying this words to myself..i did't care about the speed of the bike
only these words circled inside..."Its not the places its the people that makes the difference".
and i always had a dream of going for a long drive on road like this..with tall trees on both sides..and now when i do this
I was thinking how beautiful life is...
I felt like we are living our life..
I was feeling bad when I came out of the marriage cos i have to leave urgently.but this ride comforts me.
and the people who matters..I loved the way things are happening..this year i felt like God was making plans for me..
Each and every blind thoughts of mine or dreams of mine is coming to reality..no its just happening for me..Things Just happens..First time in my life.
Acceleration..Its going beyond 100...
only these words circled inside..."Its not the places its the people that makes the difference".
and i always had a dream of going for a long drive on road like this..with tall trees on both sides..and now when i do this
I was thinking how beautiful life is...
I felt like we are living our life..
I was feeling bad when I came out of the marriage cos i have to leave urgently.but this ride comforts me.
and the people who matters..I loved the way things are happening..this year i felt like God was making plans for me..
Each and every blind thoughts of mine or dreams of mine is coming to reality..no its just happening for me..Things Just happens..First time in my life.
Acceleration..Its going beyond 100...
Thursday, March 19, 2009
My parachute
Seasons...i see it as colors, shades..each memory of mine has its own..
some grayed ,some tan..i see everything as colors..
i was telling those songs had the fragrance of the time ...
a sunny evening..things were calm..again question came to me.. why cant we recreate those?..
i paused for a minute ..silence between us..sometimes the silence between two persons
has more depth than the words they share..its hard..its hard to break it..and i find peace in silence..
and love?.. said about a book...a guy who cannot get over his love..a trukish writer..
now i am back..back with burden ..no its not burden its just a weight..a strange one..
my memories...and now i see that season in here..that one month ..i sea it without color..
i see it as Black&White..my eyes have grayed out now...i cannot see those colors anymore..
many have walked in and walked out of life...one thing that stayed was silence...
silence between the time when people left..you know it..cos i have scene you also being silent..
some grayed ,some tan..i see everything as colors..
i was telling those songs had the fragrance of the time ...
a sunny evening..things were calm..again question came to me.. why cant we recreate those?..
i paused for a minute ..silence between us..sometimes the silence between two persons
has more depth than the words they share..its hard..its hard to break it..and i find peace in silence..
and love?.. said about a book...a guy who cannot get over his love..a trukish writer..
now i am back..back with burden ..no its not burden its just a weight..a strange one..
my memories...and now i see that season in here..that one month ..i sea it without color..
i see it as Black&White..my eyes have grayed out now...i cannot see those colors anymore..
many have walked in and walked out of life...one thing that stayed was silence...
silence between the time when people left..you know it..cos i have scene you also being silent..
Monday, March 02, 2009
A note to April wheeler
April wheeler….i know you…from the very first time when I saw u suffering I think I know you..
As in when the story was evolving I was amazingly glued to you…I understand you..i knew what exactly you meant when you said to frank that we will go Paris cos that’s the only place where he ever wanted to live….but what she did’t realize is that dreams are only dreams ..ordinary people never dream thinking that I will get it..they dream thinking it as an impossible thing but still they love it..
but April when you said to frank that “it takes courage to live your dream” I was not surprised but frank was exposed to his thoughts. I am still touched by the way you reacted to situations. Even after these many hours I still remember each of your facial expressions. April wheeler I always knew you…on that last scene where you behaved as a responsible wife to frank..i was blown out of my mind..you were so calm..your face had that calmness. each of your questions..oh….i knew frank loved it..i knew frank meant it when he said this was the most beautiful breakfast that he ever had..and I will not forget you april cos I knew you..i always knew you…I was the one who stood outside the window helpless seing you suffering..
April wheeler I knew you…..
--Revolutionary Road
As in when the story was evolving I was amazingly glued to you…I understand you..i knew what exactly you meant when you said to frank that we will go Paris cos that’s the only place where he ever wanted to live….but what she did’t realize is that dreams are only dreams ..ordinary people never dream thinking that I will get it..they dream thinking it as an impossible thing but still they love it..
but April when you said to frank that “it takes courage to live your dream” I was not surprised but frank was exposed to his thoughts. I am still touched by the way you reacted to situations. Even after these many hours I still remember each of your facial expressions. April wheeler I always knew you…on that last scene where you behaved as a responsible wife to frank..i was blown out of my mind..you were so calm..your face had that calmness. each of your questions..oh….i knew frank loved it..i knew frank meant it when he said this was the most beautiful breakfast that he ever had..and I will not forget you april cos I knew you..i always knew you…I was the one who stood outside the window helpless seing you suffering..
April wheeler I knew you…..
--Revolutionary Road
Monday, February 23, 2009
A peach margarita..a cuban cigar and miles of beach...
I think life is defined between the time when we have no time and the time when we get time to think..
It was a break after one month for me. When I got up in the morning I felt calm. I enjoyed the sun light,
I enjoyed the evening wind, I enjoyed my beer on a hot afternoon, I enjoyed my life after a long time.
We were driving till
Then I thought about you again..
hmm…this city. you showed me what really is this city. the places that we went ..its was entirely different
a city’s soul is in its people ..more than the usual places that everybody knows there are some other beautiful places that you showed me. and I still remember those Sunday mornings that we shared. the coffee is still hot !!...and again after getting those bloody thoughts which I try to avoid. I looked outside the window..
Yellow neon light has created paintings on nights frame.
And somehow I lost in translation of those year old complex and perplexed look in your beautiful eyes.
And again I came back to room .Surprisingly I did’t feel bad about being alone I did’t feel bad about anything which is going wrong around me. and on that moment of truth I knew
after a long time…I lived for a day.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Scattered thoughts
“Sipiyon ki hoonth se moti chalak rahiein hai
Ghazlon ki sohbat mein geet bhi bhek rahi hai
samundar lehron ki lehron ki chadar odh ke so raha hai
Per mein jagu ek khumari ek nasa sa ek nasa sa ho raha hai
Tu magar hai bekhabar hai bekhabar
Dil Gira Kahin per dafatan”…
How scattered can be words yet they can be united in music. How scattered can be thoughts but yet they can glow in sound and that’s exactly what happened. I am listening to it and spreading my thoughts. I feel it. I can touch it. I can touch those guitar strings which makes this music. Its all scattered. Like my mind every thing is not in its place but still it makes music. I feel this sound is the same. I know it’s the same.
So how scattered can be thoughts..?
--Thanks to ARR
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Broken view
I think this is the end of road for both of us.
You’re gona take the next diversion. I knew it but still. I wanted the time to slow down.
“Move on” this is something which circles around my mind from quite a long time now..
I have been moving on from many years. from broken relations, from unfinished dreams,
From unsatisfied persons,from disastrous incidents, from pain, from sorrow.
I feel as if I have been running away from a long time.
Yes moving on is kind of running away. I am tired now.
But when I see your face I think that I cannot afford to feel weak. and I should not.
Mind is again a white paper you can come and write anything on it and when you are done with it ,when you are out of words for it. You can crush it and throw it to your waste basket. I expected it from the time you put ink on it.and that’s why I don’t feel anything.
You see .. I try to build my bridge over troubled water.
So that I could stand up and look ahead..far ahead where I can see you taking that diversion.
And I eat my share of mindless philosophy …
You’re gona take the next diversion. I knew it but still. I wanted the time to slow down.
“Move on” this is something which circles around my mind from quite a long time now..
I have been moving on from many years. from broken relations, from unfinished dreams,
From unsatisfied persons,from disastrous incidents, from pain, from sorrow.
I feel as if I have been running away from a long time.
Yes moving on is kind of running away. I am tired now.
But when I see your face I think that I cannot afford to feel weak. and I should not.
Mind is again a white paper you can come and write anything on it and when you are done with it ,when you are out of words for it. You can crush it and throw it to your waste basket. I expected it from the time you put ink on it.and that’s why I don’t feel anything.
You see .. I try to build my bridge over troubled water.
So that I could stand up and look ahead..far ahead where I can see you taking that diversion.
And I eat my share of mindless philosophy …
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